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     Current blog & banner background made with Sausage.com's Reptile background creating program (free version, 2.0.1). I need to play with the program some more. I've had it for a few years, but didn't understand much about graphics at the time, so didn't know what I was doing while using it. I ignored it for quite awhile now, but thinking about the problem Cheryl was having with the pixel size for her square tiles, I thought I'd try this out again. I don't see any seams... do any of you?

     Incidentally, the colors I have chosen are to reflect breast cancer & being a survivor. Pink for breast cancer & purple for cancer survivor. That is why my survivor ribbon in the side module is pink & purple. That tag took alot of work to get close to what I wanted!

     Ok, I've been taking a break from my resolutions (somewhat). I do believe I've been putting in 2 hours a day on house & yard work, but the writing... eh... I'm STILL waiting for the copyright permission for the images I want to use to enhance my blog about the herb that has multiple medicinal uses. I guess as long as I state as such, link back to their article, host the image myself & have a clean site, I'll be conforming to their requirements.

     I've also found that a pharmaceutical company has banned the release of information about another supposed cancer cure. This one is about 2 specific nutrients, but you have to buy a book to find out which. I've found that Amazon.com has used copies available, so I may end up picking one up.

     Having reduced my anti-depressants, I'm noticing that I can smile & laugh again, & really mean it! Today, though, I'm not doing so good. I've been sneezing alot, feel like I have a bit of a fever & feel weak & achy. Maybe I'm catching whatever bug my son had. That's unfortunate, since I did get the flu shot weeks ago.

     Whatever flu bug my son had, it made him feel so miserable that he didn't go skateboarding for about 3 days. When he did go, when first getting sick, he had a nasty 'bail,' as he & his friends call it. He smacked the side of his head against the asphalt & got a puncture wound between his temple & his eye, which wouldn't quit bleeding. I think he landed on a sharp pebble. The hole was deep, but he didn't want to go to the clinic. He also wouldn't listen to me about keeping pressure against the wound. Kids... will they ever realize that their folks may know what's best? He has to hear it reinforced by the doc before he follows my advice. *Sigh*

     With a sister who was an EMT, brother-in-law who was EMTI (instructor), Navy training in emergency first aid & twice having taken CPR, as well as all the medical shows I watch, & articles/research I read, you'd think he'd realize that some of what I am exposed to would sink in. Some day, I expect he will, but right now, he has to follow teen non-conformity.

     I found a used JVC video camera, with almost every attachment available (except a tripod), $200 at the Farmers Market just before Christmas. I showed it to my son, who shrugged his shoulders at it at first. I got it to give to him. He's made good use of it so far, with him & his friends taping their skateboarding. One of his friends was taping at the time my son had that bail. Ouch! I'm sure that it will be included in the video he's editing. Unfortunately, the friend cut the shot off a bit short. They all need to learn to keep filming as long as they can. Maybe the video my son is putting together will be good enough to sell!

     Bravo, Xanga, for replacing that calendar in the left module with the drop-down script, making it easier to find a specific archived blog! Mahalo!!!

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Update 6:08 PM HST:

     I went into town early to pick up my son. I am definitely sick. It hit me fast. I stopped at our little grocer & looked for Progresso chicken soup. That store is expensive for that item, but I felt it would be better than getting plain Campbell's chicken noodle. Problem is, they were out of both. Seems they've had a run on chicken soups. I wonder why? I ended up with their store label (double-size can), which is put out by Flemming Foods (Texas). Gagh... Im trying to get away from Tyson chicken products, because of what they feed their chickens (butchered at 3 months of age, FULL-SIZED!). They also feed the chicks strychnine, as a cholera preventative. I guess I should have gone to the health food store.

     Don't try to tell me different. My late husband was a truck-driver while we were married, for the original Holly Farms, which Tyson bought out. I know where the chickens are grown (we used to live there... Quero, Texas). My late husband also threw 4 chickens into the trunk of our car that had gotten loose in the plant yard. The rooster stood 3 feet tall when half grown! The neighbor's dogs got ahold of my hens, who were as big as my current rooster (a Japanese Silky) & had yet to lay eggs!

     I'm going to bed early. I ache all over... BIG TIME! My body also can't make up its mind if it's going to feel cold or hot. Here it is, Hawaii, with the temp in the lower 70s, & I've resorted to wearing long knit pants, T-shirt, & flannel hooded long-sleeved shirt. My knees ache! I've got 2 doctor appointments in the morning. One is a VA-contracted osteopath from Honolulu, about my left shoulder rotator cuff pain. The other is the general VA clinic doctor. I guess being out of some of my vitamins & minerals didn't help (no C or calcium citrate).

     Oh, yeah... my son? I saw one of his skate pals in one of the school parking lots. I turned, not seeing my son. But as I pulled closer, here he came from alongside of a building, to jump a curb. Oops! He lost his shoe (won't tie the laces or wear velcro ones), smacked his already sore heel (from a previous landing error) on the curb & landed his butt on the curb! No one was filming, but I sure saw that one!
New Year's Resolution No-nos
How to avoid unrealistic goals
by Anastasia Poland

Do you see New Year's Eve as a great time to make resolutions you will inevitably break? You're not alone. However, a University of Washington study by Elizabeth Miller and Alan Marlatt found that a full 63 percent of people do stick to their primary resolutions for at least two months. It can be done. Here are the top five reasons why we don't keep our resolutions past February:

Reality Check 101: Unrealistic goals are a real killer for achieving change. Instead of cutting "all sugars and carbs" from your diet or deciding to "exercise every single day," consider moderation. Unless you have health constraints, an occasional carb can be a reward, especially after you've created an attainable exercise plan for your busy schedule. Also make sure the resolutions on your list are purely for you — not your partner, your family, or your friends. If you're not doing them for yourself, you won't end up doing them at all.

No plan of attack: Being impulsive might spice up a romance, but where resolutions are concerned, less is more. Several excellent ways for "setting yourself up for resolution failure," says Marlatt, are not planning out your resolutions until the last minute or making them based on your mindset on New Year's Eve. Planning, then assessing what obstacles may inhibit your goals (e.g., you want to cut junk food from your diet, but live in a household of junk-food junkies) will help you evaluate what changes you need to make.

K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid): What's with the 10 resolutions on that list? Take off your overachiever cape and toss it aside. Too many folks overwhelm themselves by attempting several big life changes simultaneously. Choose one or two achievable goals that introduce positive changes into your life instead of forcing yourself to quit all of your bad habits at once. The confidence you gain by following one new healthy life pattern can later be parlayed into ditching another unhealthy one. Miller found that confidence was the key underlying factor in people creating true change.

More or less: These words are the enemies of goal attainment. More healthy, less weight? What does this mean in real terms? Those who fall off the resolution wagon often neglect to quantify goals or set deadlines. If you want to feel healthier, write a list of what that means to you (for example, attend yoga class twice weekly, add two veggies to daily diet, lose 10 pounds by March, get monthly massages) and work from there.

If at first you don't succeed: This old axiom is so true, yet we do ourselves a great disservice by not making sure to "try, try again." If you sneak a snack, leave work early or indulge that TV craving, it doesn't mean you have to abandon your commitment. Persistence is key. Miller discovered that only 40 percent of people polled achieved their goals the first time around. Seventeen percent succeeded after more than six tries. Adds Marlatt, "It's a mistake to blame yourself if you fail. Instead, look at the barriers that were in your way. See how you can do better the next time and figure out a better plan to succeed. You do get to try again."

Prime yourself for successful resolutions by being realistic, taking small steps, recognizing success and being flexible when you backslide. By keeping at it and not throwing in the towel the first time you skip a workout or give into a craving, you will be able to make positive changes that will last all year and beyond.
When you make exercise fit your personality and your lifestyle, you are already on the road to success.

This New Year's Eve, I will be making a few resolutions. In the past, I have not, considering (as another Xangan has already remarked) that they are nearly impossible to keep, so why disappoint myself?

This year, I have decided to put my foot down about some of my undesirable habits. (Not the smoking, though, because that is one of those I cannot keep!) There are some behaviors that for me will be easier to stick with, once begun.
1. Write EVERY DAY! This is something I have done in the past, keeping a hand-written journal on & off since my teens. (Where most are now, I have no idea.) I also used to frequently write poetry, which I hope to take up again on a more regular basis. As Isaac Asimov wrote on a postcard to me, he wrote every day. Ernest Hemmingway also wrote every day, setting aside 8 hours for his writing.
2. Stop putting off 'til tomorrow what can be done today. I am a prize procrastinator (hence my major delay in submitting the necessary stuff to the SSA on my disabilities, as well as delays in submitting stuff the VA has requested for my VA disability rating re-evaluation; both which will get me out of the financial pit I have wallowed in for so many years).
3. Set up & hold to specific times to take care of certain things. These will include an hour each day for house-cleaning, another hour for yard work & about 3 hours for my writing. Maybe, after following this routine for a few months, I will get caught up with the mess my depression has left my life in. Also to add will be an hour to devote to meditating thoughts & blessings to those who have turned up in my life with health issues.
4. When my son was little, Friday evening was family night. I would take him out to eat at the local steak house, where I'd share the salad bar items with him. With a child that little, these restaurants didn't insist upon buying a separate meal for the toddler. He enjoyed the raw 'trees' (broccoli), carrots, bits of chicken, etc, that I would get. It's time that I set up a family time again, even if only to play board or card games, or watch a video together.
5. I am 45 pounds overweight, gained since my cancer diagnosis. No, I don't overeat. If you ask my son, he'd tell you I hardly eat anything. The problem is that what I do eat is full of carbohydrates. I've already proven to myself that carbohydrates are the nasties of weight gain when I set myself on a low-carb diet while in the Navy. I am very uncomfortable with my weight-gain. So I will reduce my carbohydrate intake at least by 50%.
6. For my last resolution, to augment the health issue, I will also walk every other day; like the 2-mile roundtrip to the community mailboxes. Perhaps I can convince my son to come with me (if he can get over his fear of being assaulted again; he won't get out of the car to get the mail if those kids are hanging at the mailboxes... I HAVE TO!).
Update:

Incidentally, I believe I will do fine with these resolutions. I have already started with most, making headway on the house & yard this past week.

I also feel alot better... more energetic & enthusiastic, since the fog of some of the antidepressants I've stopped taking has lifted. I will need to go back to making my special herbal tea again, which I stopped making (except occasionally) almost 3 years ago, hence the return to heavy drug antidepressants. At least I know my tea doesn't leave me in a fog & generates more enthusiasm & well-being!
     I took my son to the Farmers Market this morning. While there, I picked up a few veggies & a luscious crepe, made by a Peruvian woman who has been a mainstay of the market for nearly all of its 7 years in operation. The crepe was filled with pieces of ham & cheese slices, artichoke heart, spinach, basil, tomatoes, black olives, keppers, mushrooms & her home-made special sauce. Yummmm!!!

     Louisa owns a small restaurant in Hilo & also markets some of her Peruvian fare in some of the local stores, especially health-food grocers. I have been addicted to her tamales & smoothies at various times, as well as her special Inca sauce (parsley, cilantro, vegetable oil, garlic & secret spices).

     She came from Peru by way of New York City, after marrying a 'hauole' (white) man with red hair... an NYC (Bronx?) native. He is the one who started the Farmers Market in Pahoa. Fortunately, Louisa finally got smart & left her abusive husband, who was also holding her back, business-wise. I had seen bruises on her neck years ago, while they were together, that I questioned her about. She hid her eyes from me & shrugged her shoulders, clearly embarrassed about the truth. Having been there myself, I easily recognized the signs. I told her she was a wonderful person & did not deserve that kind of treatment. Others were surprised when they got divorced, thinking that they had a good marriage. I praised the end of her abuse!

     Last Sunday at the market, I was side-tracked to a car's trunk full of puppies. Looking at the one the man was holding, I guessed them to be a cross between German Shepard & Malamute. I wasn't far off, because he informed me they were Husky/Akita. Oh, wow! Two of my favorite breeds! I glanced around at the various puppies, trying to determine if any of them was 'special.' At first, I didn't find one that clicked for me. Then, near the left taillight, I found one with unique markings, compared with her siblings. This one had Husky markings, but an Akita tail (curls more than 360 degrees!). She was also very mellow. I picked her up out of the trunk & held her to me. She stank! The owner said he'd bathed them before bringing them, but I rather doubt he did, especially since, as he informed me, he had a dozen to start.

     Maluhia (tranquility) came home with me, to my son's 'stink-eye.' I gave her a bath & put on the new collar I picked up at the hardware store. I also put on a flea collar, but worried about it since it cautioned about using on puppies under 12 weeks of age. I took it back off & later replaced it with one rated for puppies as young as her. She was only 6 weeks (born November 6th).

     She is an adorable puppy... very personable. She, without training, already shakes hands! She also sits on command. I didn't teach her any of this stuff; she just knew how to do it! I wanted a smart pup & I got one! She is also very good about her toilet habits, letting us know when she needs to go. She quickly wormed her way into my son's heart as well!

     After the market & dropping my son in town to skate, I went into Hilo for pet food. That meant a stop at Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, as with the last time I went there, they are still out of the specific kiity food that my kitties love & doesn't cause them to have the runs... Special Kitty Original (blue bag), which is also cheaper than the Gourmet flavor by $1.50. More of a sign of the shipping delays out of California.

     After packing the items I bought into my car (I, of course, didn't stop with just the critter food!), I went back in to use the facilities & to get a 64-ounce, $0.69 fountain Coke from the McDonald's located toward the front of the store. As I was heading into the restroom, I saw a woman I haven't seen in several years, who used to have a little cafe in downtown Hilo. We hugged & asked each other how we were doing. I let her know about my mastectomy. She showed me a round band-aid on her shin, which she said was her latest dealing with bone cancer. She told me she is to start chemo soon.

     Linda is a sweet lady. Besides having run a small cafe with devoted clientel, she once was a school teacher. She currently is writing grants for the local Catholic school & is about to partner with her brother, who has an agri-business. He grows taro (for poi), papaya & awa (kava-kava). She told me she is going to use the bi-products from these plants to develop a line of cosmetics. I told her about the botanical that I recently learned is a cure for several health problems, including cancer. She has been using noni juice since finding out about her cancer. She is going to ask her brother, a botanist, about this other herbal medicine (which I will write about in an upcoming blog... sorry for the delay, I'm still researching the findings & these other issues that are important to me have come up).

     So I add Linda to my White Light list. Blessings, Linda! This cancer affliction list of people either I know, or a friend is related to, is getting quite long & very disheartening! Most are supposedly too young to have the cancers they do, based upon 'statistics!'

NAVAHO MESSAGE

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona.....

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the Moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the Moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the Elder's message to the Moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator....!

He reported that the Moon message said.........

"Watch out for these assholes, they have come to steal your land."
     I recently spoke to a friend by phone, primarily to ask him how much he would charge me to fix the front end of my car. Although he is normally not much of a talker, whenever we have phone conversations, he becomes very talkative, sometimes even as much as an hour (until he admits his ear is about to fall off! ).

     This friend was a Navy Seal, & served in Vietnam. He even rode the river boats on some missions. As with many Vietnam Veterans, he suffers with depression & has buried himself away from the general public in a cabin with a gorgeous view of Mauna Kea.

     During this conversation, he told me that he recently had an X-ray of a lump on his leg. The tech determined that the lump was a result of scarring tissue, grown up around a small piece of shrapnel received so many years ago when a bullet struck near his feet. He knew he had been injured at the time, but said it was a tiny wound that barely trickled blood, so being a Seal, he didn't feel it was important enough to seek medical aid for. Besides, as he said, they didn't have Corpsmen along with them.

     I asked him if the VA is going to do anything about the shrapnel, as in remove it from his leg. His reply was that he still hasn't seen the VA doc about the finding yet. His appointment is next month.

     There are certainly hundreds, if not thousands, of other Veterans who are carrying around pieces of shrapnel in their bodies from the Vietnam War. Many of them, I'm sure, like my friend, never received treatment for it. Many more had determinations that the shrapnel is better left alone, due to its location.

     But more of what I learned during this conversation with him has me concerned. He had previously mentioned that a friend & former neighbor was diagnosed with cancer. He had said that her cancer was pretty advanced. During this conversation, he said that he recently got a letter from her, in which she told him she is terminal. Something like she'd see him 'on the other side' in the form of a joke. Suzy-Q... White Light to you!

     He had also previously told me about his mom having had skin cancer years ago. A few months ago, he told me that the cancer was back. In our recent phone conversation, he told me that his sister doesn't think their mom will make it to the end of 2002! Her body is riddled with cancer (which started as melanoma... skin cancer) & she is losing lucidity, even though they don't think the cancer has invaded her brain.

     I learned that my friend has yet to visit with his mom since this latest cancer diagnosis, even though she only lives on the other side of this island (Kawaihi District). The only radiological therapy center on this island is in Hilo, & she has been brought by her daughter for treatments. This oncology center is the same one I go to to see my oncologist.

    One of his sisters has moved in with their mom to help her out. Again, as with when he first told me about his mom's cancer return, I admonished him about not going to see her. I know he loves her. But I also know he has a hard time facing the realities of serious illnesses.

     In his own circumstance, he has had a cyst that wouldn't heal removed from his forearm. He never followed up on it & has no idea of the diagnosis of that cyst, assuming that if it were bad, they would have gotten in touch with him long ago. Last year, he had a large lump suddenly show up behind his ear. He was scheduled to go to Tripler to have it removed & biopsied, but with the same bullshit about travel to Honolulu as I have dealt with, there was no ticket for him on the day of his appointment. I had told him to keep after them before the day he was to travel, but he is not a squeaky wheel, like I am, & allowed the system to fail him. He never went. He puts the whole thing off, saying that the Oasis stuff he was taking then helped the lump to all but disappear.

    Although my friend has probably told me his mom's name, I don't remember it (my dyslexia affects my ability to remember names). So, Eric's mom, I'm also sending White Light your way as well!
     There are a few things I have left out in the last 2 blogs, because of not wanting to dampen others' spirits any more than those already may have. One thing, as mentioned earlier, is about the herbal cancer cure, since I will be seriously dissing our beloved financial institutions as well as our government. I am still working on that one, hoping that although I will be enlightening, I do not wish to cause readers to shut down to the truth, due to the inflammatory nature of the information.

      The other factor is something else I recently learned. I called the man I have been making agreement of sale payments on my house to for 5 & 1/2 years. He promised to convert the deed into a mortgaged deed in my name, with him as lien holder, after I faithfully paid on the house for 5 years. It's been about 10 months since he agreed to hold to his promise, but did nothing on his end about it until I confronted him again a few months ago. Originally, he had said he would cover the costs involved with the necessary paperwork, but when he spoke with a real estate attorney & learned what all would be involved to protect both him & me, he reneged on covering the costs... once I ran out of money!

     A few weeks ago, I ran into the realtor who handled the original agreement of sale during one of his rare visits to Pahoa. I asked him about the cost for him to draw up the necessary paperwork. He had spoken to the deed-holder previously, who had reported back to me a figure of $250, compared to the attorney's figure of $500. When I spoke to the realtor (also a friend or sorts), he told me $200 should cover the costs. He also let me know that to get the property tax homestead exemption for next the next tax cycle, the transaction must be recorded at the Bureau of Conveyances by 31 Dec 2002! Oops!

     I procrastinated (typically) about calling the deed-holder, finally calling him about 1, 1/2 weeks ago... twice. The first time, the call was forwarded to his cell voice-mail, so I didn't leave a message. Two days later, I called again & got his home answering machine. This time, I left a message. Yesterday, he finally returned my call. I let him know what the realtor had said, & that I have the money necessary to complete the process, so he said I should contact the realtor again to set it up. He would be available to the realtor for anything needed.

     Oops! Procrastination screwed me out of completing the process this year! The realtor is off-island until New Year's Eve! Shit, SHIT, SHIT!!! Damn! I'm now looking at a difference of over $150 for my property tax! To many, that may not be alot, but it is nearly 2 months' electricity for me! (Incidentally, our property tax in this district is very low. Even without the exemption, my property tax is less than one-fifth of what my sister's is in Texas!)

     On the note of my electric bill, I applied in July for the LIHEAP utility assistance (called UAP in some areas). The funds for this program come from that $1 utility assistance check box on your electric bill every month, should you participate. The money goes to needy people who apply, based upon their income, family size & average utility costs. Sometimes, the recipient opts to take the emergency help, which pays the shut-off notice amount due. This figure is usually very low, compared to what amount of credit a family might be able to get on their bill. In my situation, my shut-off notice was for about $196, which I continued to struggle to pay, opting for the credit. On Christmas Eve Day, I finally got the notice from Honolulu of the figure they were crediting on my bill (after I paid off my debt with the money I recently received; over $400!). I am getting a credit of $256! That's about $100 more than I got the last time I applied (2 years ago)!

     Honolulu was having problems with this program this year. Ordinarily, the recipient receives the notice in late August or early September, with the credit showing up on the bill in October or November. The last bill I received, for December, still doesn't reflect the credit. I personally believe the State was banking the funds, to draw interest on; a common practice with government agencies. I wonder how many lost power, waiting for Honolulu to fulfill their promise of help with these Federally subsidized monies? I nearly did, except that I kept in contact with the utility company on a monthly basis. I wish the credit had turned up when it was supposed to, so my finances wouldn't have gotten so out-of-hand (EVERYTHING was behind except the house payments!).

     Back to my conversation with the deed-holder... I asked about his health, knowing that he had surgery at Queen's in Honolulu late Spring. He informed me that he was doing fine, but that his wife recently had a heart attack! I didn't think she was very old, because she certainly doesn't look it, but he informed me that she's 62. It has been her health that caused his delay in returning my call, for which he owes me NO apology! I wished him & his wife well & am now sending White Light their way.

    They are wonderful people. She is his second wife. His first died from breast cancer more than 20 years ago, so he has been very understanding of my situation when I've asked for tolerance with delays in repaying him on property taxes & association dues (the former was something else I was behind on until recently) without charging me a late fee of $25 each month I'm behind!

     There are alot of people around me needing prayers right now, for health reasons, like my neighbor with laryngeal cancer, mentioned in the last blog. I learned what another neighbor is now dealing with. I once dissed him royally in a blog in the Fall of 2001 because of his attitude concerning the association making available hot water for showers (among other things, which he ordered discontinued, & wanted to discontinue availability of drinking & cooking water to those of us on catchment... though HE would most certainly continue to draw from the community's water supply!). I confronted him with the idea of one of his family members facing surgery for cancer & not having access to hot water (which I didn't the night before my surgery, because I ran out of propane right then & the water heater was shut off in the community center!).

     I learned from my former boss when I worked at the community center that this man has cancer! She told me several months ago, but the information was refuted by another community member (a neighborhood patrol member, working under the other, who's the captain of the patrol). I heard from my son, whom he gave a ride home to once, that yes, he has prostate cancer & was going where I had, about the same time (Tripler) for surgery. He is also a US Navy Veteran, who learned about the extension of VA health care services (to all former military members who served 180 consecutive days & received either an Honorable or General Discharge) from... ME!!!

     The last time I ran into him (at the community center water spigot, no less!), I asked him about his health myself. The other neighbor, who refuted the gossip about that neighbor having cancer was also right there, drawing water for his family. I learned that the former is going back to Tripler for another biopsy (that was all they did for his surgery last time, verifying the malignancy). They want to find out if the malignancy is metastasizing & fill him in on additional treatments.

     Was I being prophetic? I don't know. I did believe his wife (born & raised in Hawaii, like me, so possibly exposed to chemical agents testing, like I was) might turn up with cancer. I didn't think it would be him. Did I cause his condition through an unintended curse? God, I hope not! Because what goes around comes around, & what is sent forth is returned 3-(or 7, depending upon one's belief system) fold. It did take me a long time to forgive him for his actions... & he's a member of the Baha'i faith (supposedly a Christian faith). He certainly doesn't follow his faith's teachings about being loving & giving to neighbors (& I told him in the argument that he wasn't a Christian!). I still berate his actions, knowing that he continued to keep the water heater shut off & had the shower water re-directed from the bathhouse to an outdoor shower head (because of bad pipes under the concrete slabs), rather than having the pipes properly repaired.

     Incidentally, the burst pipes is another argument I had with him, since he believed people from outside of the subdivision were coming in & filling huge tanks of water to sell to others, causing our water bill to go so high. I PROVED my case with the burst pipes, which he still refuted.

    I also PROVED that the electric bill savings was not much after he first had the water heater shut off, which he also refuted. Now, few want to use the community swimming pool, because there's no hot water for the shower that people are MANDATED to take before entering the pool, to rid the body of excess bacteria that might contaminate other swimmers. Of those who do still use the pool, most won't shower first at all, waiting until the rec attendant isn't paying attention, so they can slip into the pool unshowered (I've watched them do so!). Also, a brief, cold rinse-off (actually just a wet-down), does NOTHING to rid a person of bacterial agents on the skin! So the cold rinse is a true waste of community water & swimmers' time.

     Anyway, Joe, I'm sending healing White Light your way. You may not be much of a Christian neighbor, but no one deserves the battles with cancer. I did tell him about the herbal cancer cure I recently learned about, which is a hell of alot more than he ever did for me!

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     One thing that continues to bother me since talking to my sister a couple weeks ago is the restrictions her husband has put on her use of her own money (we all received the same amount)! I learned that he has said no to her using some of her money to buy a new computer (hers is about 4 years old & the original monitor broke & there are other hardware problems going on with it). My brother-in-law has other plans for my sister's money. He wants a 'new' (used) truck.

     Sure, his current truck is old (older than his previous one), but he has his OWN inheritance money that he won't let my sister touch, even for the kids! That money was immediately put into CDs (Certificates of Deposit), which he continues to roll-over when they mature. He received the inheritance about 20 years ago or more. In the beginning, it was worthwhile doing so, because interest rates were in the double-digits. Now, they barely bring 5%. It is the dividends he received over the years that he used to pay his previous truck notes with, using the CDs as collateral (that sounds dumb to me, since they already hold the title of the truck as collateral, since he makes installment payments on it!).

     I know my sister isn't very frugal with money (our mom taught me how to be careful with money, letting me know that my desires were above our budget, but gave my sister whatever she wanted). But doesn't she have the right to spend her own gift money for her wants or needs? Her husband certainly does with his! What stops her is the years of violence at his hands & threats of resumption of that violence, which she excuses to his diabetes/insulin levels. To me, there's NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN!

    She hasn't been the only recipient of his loss of temper, since I witnessed one blatantly abusive attack against their oldest son, just prior to my move to Hawaii. This was right before my sister begged me to leave my son with them until I got settled in. Yeah, RIGHT! My son is very head-strong & independent. As much as my brother-in-law loves my son, his tolerance level would have been reached quickly!

     I have NO love for my brother-in-law. He's a poor excuse for a man. My sister finally admitted to me a few years ago that a blue mark I saw on her oldest son's back, in the shape of a thumb print, when he was 6 months old, WAS a direct result of manhandling by his father! Abuse of another family member is something I CANNOT forgive! I lived with it too long myself.

     Since I couldn't reach my sister on Christmas Day, I will try again today. Unfortunately, it won't be part of my free nights & weekends time with my cell phone (my Christmas gift to myself, to help me keep up with my son & provide another phone access to keep him from forcing me offline when I'm in the middle of something on the Internet, like Xanga or research). I can still utilize the airtime in my 600 monthly free anytime minutes. Since I got the phone, between my calls, my son's & those made by his friends, I have logged less than 3 hours of the 10 allowed, & some of that time has already rolled off my first bill for a partial month.

    The cell phone, a Nokia 1260, is serviced by AT&T. They are the only ones with fairly reliable service in the area I live in. The former Voice Stream, now T-Mobile, does not recommend acquiring their service if living in lower Puna right now. Their availability is very spotty here at best, since the locals in the Kapoho/Kalapana region blocked the construction of an antenna as unsightly & they haven't come up with another site that would work. The saddest thing about that is that many in that area do not have phone service at all (off-power, so no utility poles to run the phone lines on)!

    Both companies had similar plans, so I opted for AT&T. The drawback with AT&T is that outside of a 4-state area, I will be responsible for roaming & airtime for long distance calls. Fortunately, at this point, I have no desire to travel (no money for such either).

     There is a specific reason for wanting to get in touch with my sister today. It is my niece's birthday... her 27th if I'm not mistaken. She was born at 6:01 AM in Texas, the day after Christmas. My sister had gone into labor Christmas Day.

     I have never seen my niece. Even my sister was forbidden to look at her daughter (although she did see her briefly before she was whisked away, enough to know she had red hair, just like her later 2 sons!), because she & the father (her current husband) were convinced to give up their child by his folks. I offered to raise her daughter until she felt capable. So did my dad's oldest sister, as well as my dad. Those options were unsuitable to his parents though. So the girl was given over into the adoption process of the Lutheran Ministries.

     Wherever you are, dear niece (the ONLY female offspring of any of us siblings!), HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope your life has been blissful. Please know that we all love you, & someday hope to have you rejoin our family! I know your mom is hoping you're looking for her, because she told me so. She's just afraid of your dad's reaction. And you have 2 FULL brothers who would be ecstatic to meet you (once they are filled in about their sister)!
     It is mid-afternoon. I have spent several hours last night & today visiting my SIR list, catching up a bit on my reading & leaving my version of an e-card.

    I was as neglectful by not sending out paper cards this year as I have in several years (depressive apathy). The obligation of doing so has often caused me to feel guilty about my neglect. But when I look at what I receive from family & friends, I probably still do more during the holidays than I receive. I DO make phone calls, which I have to cover in my budget later.

     This year's phone calls met with either answering machines, or no answer at all. On the answering machines, I left my Christmas wishes, along with my phone number & that I'd love to hear back from them (my brothers). There was no answer at my sister's, which means she either forgot to turn on the answering machine, or was outside & didn't hear the phone. Se la ger...

     Do I hear from them on this special day? No... they don't take the time to give me a call. Rarely have. I did receive a Christmas card from my brother who lives here & works at one of the telescopes atop Mauna Kea. He included a $20 bill for my son, carefully instructing me to make sure my son gets it to use as he chooses. Sad, that he believes I would take money meant for my son. There's never anything for me.

     The other Christmas card I received (yes, you are correct... I only got 2 Christmas cards!) came from my financial benefactor. I have already called her with my thanks. When I get around to it, I will write a letter to her about how I used the money & how grateful I am for it. I should also include gift certificates for McDonald's (her recommendation in the past), or Wal-Mart, if they have one nearby.

     My son came into the living room, trying to hide a plastic bag behind him. I pretended I didn't hear it crinkling. He said it wasn't much (I guess the amount I've spent on his desires is beginning to sink in) & apologized for not wrapping the items as he sat on the arm of the loveseat & handed me a white plastic bag, the handles tied in my perception of a make-shift bow. I didn't care that they weren't wrapped. That isn't important.

     When I opened the bag, I noticed a cardboard box, the lettering indicating that it was something he bought from a vendor at the Farmers Market. The vendor who originally sold those items is a fellow DAV Puna Chapter 9 member & neighbor within this subdivision; a Korean War Veteran, who is suffering with laryngeal cancer, given only 7 months to live about 3 months ago without surgery, chemo & radiation, which he has refused. He doesn't want 2 years of poor quality life from the treatments versus 7 months of relatively good time. I had recently learned that he turned all his stock over to another neighbor who has helped him with this business for some time now.

     Inside of the box, in a styrofoam nest, was an acrylic replica of a glass figurine of mother & child dolphins, jumping with ocean waves. It is so pretty! I told him thank you & kept turning it around & around in my hands, letting light glimmer through it.

    I thought the figurine was all he had given, but messed with the bag again, only to find another bag inside! My son apologized again, saying the vendor didn't have a box for that one. Inside, I found a wooden base & a bone-china figurine. This one was of a humming bird, feeding off an orange hibiscus! He pointed out the hibiscus, presumably because it is Hawaii's State Flower. Again I told him thank you & how pretty it was.

     Until I can find a safe place to put the bone china figurine (I have kitties who do not figure any place in this house is sacred), I secured it back in the bag. The acrylic dolphins now sit atop my computer monitor, catching the winter's southern light from the window!

     I have a smoked pork shoulder (ham) baking in the toaster-oven. A pot of rice is cooking in the rice steamer. When it is close to time to eat, I will fix the frozen (Normandy) veggies, adding onion powder, alaea salt (Hawaiian rock sea salt baked with red clay from Kauai, believed to have healing capabilities) as well as butter (REAL butter!). Not the feast one might find in the home of someone who loves to cook for the holidays, but foods we both enjoy.

      While stuff is cooking & I am writing here, I am enjoying a newly discovered alcoholic beverage. I have no refrigerator right now (since unplugging the one I had that the compressor quit on so many months ago & new is way to expensive for my budget!), so no eggnog, because it won't keep at room-temp & I won't drink it all at once, or right away when I buy it. I do have a small chest-type deep freeze though. When I picked up groceries at the beginning of the month, I splurged by buying myself a case (12) of Starbuck's Mocha Frappuccino. I am NOT a coffee drinker, but do LOVE their mocha or vanilla frappuccino! I also picked up a couple (one bottle meant to be sent to my sis in Texas) bottles of Keoki's Coffee Liqueur (another coffee thing I enjoy, as I do coffee hard candies & mocha chocolates!), which were on sale. This Kona coffee liqueur, though having a Hawaiian name & using Hawaiian coffee beans, is made in California. Go figure!

     I decided to try out the liqueur in the frappuccino a couple weeks ago. Wonderful! Because of how expensive Starbuck's Frappuccino is, along with the liqueur, I have been seriously limiting myself on the intake... I wanted my supply to last the month, especially so I could have a couple today & for New Year's. I had to hide the frappuccino from my son, since he loves this beverage even more than I do (he loves coffee too... must take after his father & grandparents). I put single bottles of frappuccino in the deep freeze so they would be cold when I wanted one. I right now have 2 waiting in the freezer... one for my next (& last) for today & one for my son (minus the liqueur, of course!). It will be our 'desert' for Christmas dinner.
     Holiday Greetings to all!

     I caught some news on CNN today (Christmas Eve Day) while enjoying a mushroom & Swiss burger at a Pahoa restaurant called Black Rock Cafe. I don't watch them since their blatent misrepresentation of the behaviors of other countries upon hearing about the WTC incident (actually, they showed a 5-year-old clip & said that it was CURRENT news!). I had no choice, other than to just ignore the TV because the restaurant proprietor either has the satellite receiver set to CNN or ESPN channels. He, as a mini-dish dealer, needs to put in a second receiver, since not all of his customers as sports-enthusiasts.

     But to the reason for this blog... One of the news stories they were highlighting was about the serious shortages in the National Food Banks. It seems that the normal American generosity of this season with charities is a bit lacking. Also, the year-long problems in so many areas of the Continental US in food production has created an even greater shortage.

     In a time when there are SO MANY people out of work, due to business cut-backs & bankruptcy filings (JC Penney's & K-Mart are the latest in this problem), this is very unfortunate! What makes it even worse is that there are so many more FAMILIES left out in the cold due to Clinton's Welfare-Reduction Act. Do you realize that thousands of families were dropped from ANY cash public assistance December 2001, only 2 months after the horrible disaster in NYC? Each month, hundreds, if not thousands, more are dropped from this help. Tell me something... How are these people supposed to pay for toilet paper, much less their utilities (& rent)? I started to mention that some may be stuck on waiting lists for public housing, so cannot pay rent with no income. Guess what else? Without any cash income, they CANNOT qualify for public housing!

     When I was still living in Texas, I know for a fact that there were hundreds of homeless families in that state (early 90s). I'm talking about young couples, with children under 10-years-old! I learned that many were living under highway overpasses right in the state capital of Austin.

     Yeah, I hear you... Everyone's answer... Let them GET A JOB! Guess what? There AREN'T enough jobs for all of these families to work to earn enough money to disqualify for WELFARE! They also may not qualify for the jobs that ARE available (or don't fit the interviewer's profile of the next employee, due to age, ethnicity, gender, disability, etc... to hell with the EEOC & the ADA!).

    How many of you work 2-3 jobs, just to live a lavish lifestyle? Do you realize that by doing that, you have taken away jobs that these unfortunate people could have to help provide shelter for their families? Forget them buying 'luxury' items. If they can buy a new toothbrush for each of their family members each year, along with toothpaste, they feel blessed. Most of the time, they cannot pay their electric, heating, water &/or garbage bills & do NOT have a phone (that's a luxury item to them... they hope they can leave a friend's phone number as a point of contact on their job applications).

     Back to the issue of the Food Bank... The USDA usually provides a fair amount of the stock on their shelves. It seems that each year since I volunteered with an agency that distributed this stuff, the volume of USDA contributions have steadily dwindled. They stopped giving out cheese the year I volunteered. The news article showed images of shelves in some of the warehouses, barren of commodities for the needy. That's so sad!

    I know how poor the pickings have been this past year, having gone a few months myself. Here in Hawaii, we have the added burden caused by the California Longshoremen's strike. Even though it is over, the shipments bound for the Islands are STILL backed up! For example, I recieved my November issues of Popular Photography (a free subscription I fell into when I first came on the Internet) & Guideposts (an annual gift from my mom's sister) magazines about a week into December. Just a few days ago, I received the December Popular Photography (still no sign of my December Guideposts!). You on the Mainland enjoy your magazines as much as 2 weeks BEFORE the issue month! So, anything that comes to Hawaii by ship (USPS 4th-Class, Parcel Post & Bulk) may still be sitting on the LA docks. And we can't blame the United States Postal Service for this problem... it's all greed by workers who aren't satisfied with $35(+)/hour, when so many workers barely get minimum wage!

     I had previously blogged about the dockworkers' strike effects for Thanksgiving. I mentioned that the Food Bank turkeys bound for Hawaii were not going to make it in time for Thanksgiving, but that they were promised to be here by TODAY. I haven't heard that they came in. I haven't even heard of usual holiday dinners for the homeless in this area. Perhaps the turkeys never got loaded onto the ships? I know some Christmas trees got here, but they came from the Northwest (most look like shit fresh out of the container... I watched them unload at Wal-Mart).

     Yeah, I'm very 'Bah, humbug!' about the holidays. I just know that there are thousands of families & individuals who will be like me, their hearts breaking, knowing that so many in this country will 'shine-on' about the poor. So consider your neighbor. He/she/they may be hiding the fact that they're scratching to put together a meal for Christmas Day! For those who do help as they can, & not just during the holidays... GOD BLESS!!

'There, but for the grace of God, go I.'
     Well, I ran my test on the blog size vs the banner size. Yep, that worked! Except that my banner is still badly blurred, no matter how much I sharpen the image in PSP before saving.

     I even completely emptied my cache, including most of what was in the Temp folder, hoping that might help. One thing I did notice when saving the banner as a .jpg from the .psp image is that I didn't get that warning message about the file limitations. Could it be that something's wrong with my PSP? I thought by emptying out the Temp folder (which contained a BUNCH of PSP undo files from when the program would crash or my computer lockup!) would resolve any PSP issues. It may help some, but didn't do anything for the clarity of the banner image that I would upload to Xanga. *Sigh*

     As you can see, I now have a normal-sized banner. I did have to reset the page width to Full Screen & reupload the image. However, there is one more thing I had to do, which may be the factor causing the blurriness. I had to state the width in the header box for the banner, or it would still show up as that smaller one.

     After running my experiment, achieving a normal-sized banner & unable to fix the blurring issue, I reset the page size for the text block. I didn't want to leave the text overrunning the right border.

    Another thing I noticed that doesn't normally happen is that the Premium Editor window, when checking the Edit HTML box, specified a size for the image... width=400 border=0. Since when is it supposed to do that? Ordinarily, when I upload an image into the editor, it displays it in the image's actual size. This gives me a good gauge of how the image will appear on my blog & is what I use to resize my image in PSP, to avoid losing image quality. I hoped that by clearing my cache, including the cookies, & having the setting to Full Screen, this would resolve the stated size in the text editor. It didn't It still specified the width=400, which may be fine for a pic in the body of a blog, but doesn't cut it for a banner.

PS-- Don't skip the blog below. It contains some other interesting tidbits!
     Recently, I stopped taking one of my 4 meds for my depression. I've stopped it once before, because my doctor thinks it's what has made me gain so much weight. He increased the dosage of another med, which is a thyroid pill. It augments the anti-depressants. He felt that it would help to reduce my weight when I went back on the first. No such luck.

     I had noticed something while taking that med, a benefit that is not mentioned anywhere. It repels mosquitos. When I went off the med the first time, I noticed mosquitos swarming me, even inside of my house! I couldn't go outside during the day, without it being very breezy, because within seconds, the little buggers would be attacking me by the hundreds. The mosquito species we have here is one that is active by day, the Asian Tiger Mosquito (has been known to carry Denge Fever).

     It's a good thing that I live in Hawaii, with temperate climate year-round. I keep my windows open all the time. This allows fresh air inside when I burn a mosquito coil while inside my house to keep the buggers away from me. Otherwise, I'd be wrapped up in a sheet from head to toe, with only my face out of the cover since I can't stand anything over my face, unable to accomplish ANYTHING!

     Once I went back on that med, the mosquitos quit swarming me. Not that I didn't get bitten, but 1 or 2 bites in a day is minimal for me, compared with dozens within minutes!

     I thought it might have been the fact that I ran out of my multi & B-vitamin suppliments that caused me to be attractive to the tiny bug. So going off the med this time, while still taking all my vitamins, proves it was that med. Or at least the cocktail of stuff I'm taking, with that one med making or breaking that intolerance to the mosquito.

     What is the medication? Remeron/Mirtazapine.

     I've noticed a few other things since eliminating that drug from my daily intake. I no longer feel a 'fog' around me. I also feel as though I have a tad more energy & enthusiasm. But one thing I've also noticed that isn't a benefit is a return of a side-effect of one anti-depressant I've been taking for over 10 years... Zoloft. I never paid that much attention to the effect, but it seems very strong now, even though I only take the minimum dosage. I am having weird sensations with my tongue & the left side of my mouth/nose. I'm continually sucking, my tongue twitches & seems a bit swollen, I grit my teeth & I sneer/grimace on the left side for no good reason.

     One withdrawl effect that I have gotten from the Zoloft if I forget to take my daily dose, or it comes time to take one, which I call a 'winking effect,' is no longer happening however. I have cut that drug back to one minimum dose every other day as of this week, whereas I stopped the Mirtazapine nearly 2 weeks ago. I want off them both!

     I am also reducing my intake of the third anti-depressant, Prozac, taking it when I don't take the Zoloft & vice-versa. I am tired of filling my body with man-made chemicals, supporting the greedy pharmaceutical companies. I know that these chemicals have unwelcome long-term effects. And to say that they aren't addictive is nuts! If stopping taking them causes withdrawl symptoms of any kind, or a reversal of their beneficial effects (as in a return to uncontrolled blood pressure when stopping blood pressure meds), means they're addictive. The long-term effects can sometimes be worse than the problems that they are taken to relieve.

     We have created a whole lot of health problems in our world with synthetic chemicals. Take for example the effects of using the pesticide DDT. I fully believe that the problem it created for the Bald Eagle was only the tip of the iceberg. Could it be that Dow chemical (I believe that was the manufacturer) learned that their chemical actually caused serious problems in humans? Why are so many children turning up with cancers? The Love Canal health issue forced the move of hundreds of families, but not until after the underlying problem killed many children or caused serious birth-defects. So many of the pollutants come from the waste created with manufacturing some of these chemicals, like the mercury used in the extraction process of one such chemical back in the 50s or 60s (I've forgotten now which chemical, which was even manufactured here on this island).

     The chemical & pharmaceutical companies' priority is profit. If not for their value on the stock markets, the Nation would have floundered many years ago. Even after the financial devastation in the stock market after September 11, 2001, these companies continued to show either steady values or gains. Don't get me wrong... I'm not against a company making a profit, as long as they share the wealth. But I AM against them doing so at the expense of the health of people & our environment.

     In my next blog, I plan to write about a God-given cure for cancer, which a pharmaceutical company knew about, along with the National Cancer Institute, since 1976. They have withheld the information because they cannot patent a natural bio-chemical & have been unable to synthesize it in all these years, so are unable to profit from their findings.

    I've been waiting for permission to post a picture of the plant on this blog, along with a link to that resource's website & another site I found detailing the benefits of this common tropical plant. I may go ahead & post the stuff anyway, without the copyright permission, since I have not heard back from the webmaster, even though I emailed my request a week ago. They require a link back to their site, which I have NO problem with providing. That person might just be busy with the holiday season. I think this finding is too important NOT to post!
Can anyone explain why I cannot get my banner to show up as the size I made it? I have resized it half a dozen times, sharpened the image, yet it still shows up blurry & the size displayed above... half of what I want. I even tried stating a size in the header box, but it ignored that as well. Any ideas of how I can fix this? I did not state a size when I uploaded it either. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

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