Ah... Where to begin?

I started a very long blog back in March to let my readers know of my mixed fortunes in the months just prior. It still sits there, glaring at me, posted privately. Several times, I've logged on with the intent to finish it & post it publicly, but with so much else having occurred since its inception, just where does one start?

My son's Colorado girlfriend broke off with him. Yay! Once he got past the devastation, he bounced back wonderfully. It also caused him to rethink going to Colorado for college.

In February, I got a fat envelope from the VA. First thought... 'Oh, no... they've already denied my claim, before I could get them testimony from people who know me!' Once I opened it while sitting in my car in the driveway, I read monthly dollar amounts that caused me to suck in my breath. Skipping to page 2, I read 100%! I shouted, "YIPPEE!!!" more than once. The VA has seen fit to grant me 100% PERMANENT disability on my depressive disorders. This means they can't take it away from me.

Or at least it did, until I learned at our last DAV meeting that the new VA director is trying to eliminate disability to veterans for PTSD. WTF??!! It is their thinking that PTSD is temporary. HUH? They're NUTS!

One thing, though... My VA health records were sent to the Mainland for 'quality review' right after Honolulu granted me my 100%. I know this, because they had stopped my son's entitlement upon his birthday & I had submitted the application to reinstate it, because he was still in high school & even though they had gotten it Feb 15th, they could do NOTHING until my records were returned to Honolulu. Honolulu told me why my records weren't there. I have to assume, knowing now what the VA powers-that-be are trying to pull, that my records were pulled for that quality review because of that... primarily because of the 'new' finding of PTSD & because I'm female.

Nicholson, you're an asshole! You are definitely in the Shrubs' back pocket! You want to eliminate disability to virtually all women who've served with dedication! You see, Nicholson wants to disallow disability to Veterans for anything but COMBAT-related injuries! Hello?! When we wear the uniforms of the active duty military, we are military 24/7! Our behavior in & out of uniform is under scrutiny by our superiors. Should we commit a crime, even on 'our own time,' we can be punished under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice)... in ADDITION to local law enforcement. "Kangaroo courts' laws do NOT apply to military. So why shouldn't we be entitled to disability compensation if the incident occurred 'on our own time?' I personally knew a woman whose husband died in a traffic accident off base & off duty who's collecting the widow's pension until she either remarries or dies. Why should disability be any different? As the findings statement says, "...occurs in or is aggravated by military service." So even if the cause of a veteran's depression was not something that occurred during duty hours, what he or she has to deal with to fulfill their duties exacerbates the depression. Depressed people become almost unable to perform their assigned tasks. What's worse is if the depression was caused by a rape or sexual harassment from a fellow military person (even off hours) & the victim has to face that same person at work!

I am speculating that this latest is just more in the Shrub design with which he can still pursue his 'war against terrorism' that has NOTHING to do with terrorism... but everything to do with control over the world's oil resources. The VA recently passed budget falls at least a $billion short of providing services to veterans at the current need & his 'war' is creating MORE disabled/sick/injured/depressed veterans! As a matter of fact, they're diagnosing PTSD earlier in veterans returning from Iraq & Afghanistan! Ordinarily, this depression doesn't show up for 10 to 20 years from the date of the incident at its root! Our VA clinic in Hilo just recently installed bullet-proof glass at the receptionist's desk. HELLO?!

Shrub can pour $billions into his 'war' (which he & his cohorts are personally profiting from), yet wants to reduce benefits to those who're giving of life &/or limb for his 'war?' By the way, this is STILL an illegal 'war!' Even though our Congress has voted to approve funding, they have still NOT voted to declare this 'war.' So it is un-Constitutional.

I'm crawling off my soapbox now.

Anyway, my records came back from the 'quality review' & my benefits have NOT been reduced or eliminated (so far). They granted the 100% rating on 9 February 2005, going back to late June of 2001. Because of the difference from 30% payment to 100% payment for all those months (years), I got a huge windfall. The first thing I did was to pay off all of my creditors & put a large sum into a 6-month CD. I also splurged & bought a 2002 Hyundai Santa Fe with cash because I was tired of being left stranded because my son kept taking my Subaru & had gotten a job at a major grocer in Hilo. I also started the proceedings to build a new house on my property. But that's taking a long time. So many headaches & paperwork bs.

Well, in April, my son got a speeding ticket. In court, the judge wouldn't listen to him (the cop was ahead of my son, so there was no radar & where he was supposedly speeding had a higher speed limit than the cop put... it increases from 35 to 45 to 55, going away from town). That messed up my insurance! Then in June, he totaled my Subaru! The car got sandwiched by an on-coming vehicle that swerved into my son's lane to avoid a car in front of my son that lost control around a curve & another vehicle that was behind my son hit the back of my Subaru. WAH! That was a great car. My son had a gash on his forehead & his front seat passenger had facial contusion & an eye abrasion. I had to drive to the northern point of the island to pick him up in Waimea.

The next day, I went to the Subaru dealer & found an excellently priced 2002 Hyundai Elantra & paid cash for it. What I got from the insurance company almost paid for the Elantra. Besides my son having to learn how to drive a 5-speed standard, he seems to like it well enough.

The 2 tickets my son got from the accident (speeding & reckless driving), given as a matter of course (all got tickets), were dismissed in court. BUT, my son got another speeding ticket after the accident. Why do I have to keep repeating myself to him? I've told him more than once how to avoid getting speeding tickets (staying under 10 miles over the speed limit, avoiding darting in & out of traffic, not changing lanes, etc). He claims now that he's learned his lesson. But has he? *SIGH*

He got a new girlfriend at his job. They were dating for 3 months when she broke up with him to date another guy, who dumped her in 2 weeks! Even though my son had told me he was 'so over her,' they're now back together again. Last night, he went to spend the night at a church camp where she is. She's a really sweet girl, but like all her age (17, the same as the girl in Colorado), she is flighty.  When she broke up with him, my son set his sights again on going to Colorado for school. That school is VERY expensive & the cost of living in Denver is even worse. But since they got back together again, my son gave up on going to Colorado again. He enrolled (a week late) at UH Hilo. But he's still considering trying to find a place to live in Hilo, to save driving time & gas. Considering what it would cost him to rent an apartment ($600+), it'd be cheaper for him just to stay here... especially once the new house gets built. Since I'm going 2-storey, he'd have the first floor pretty much to himself. He's hardly home anyway.

What's holding up my house building plans at this time are firstly, the construction loan financial cost breakdown (currently in the hands of the contractor I'll be using, who incidentally, is the step-dad of my son's girlfriend) & the cash deposit to the building materials kit. I have enough cash in my accounts to pay it, but don't want to strap myself. Once I get the bids/construction loan breakdown, I can get the loan money divvied out for each step, starting with that deposit ($30k). Unfortunately, it seems that each month that goes by, the kit manufacturer gets 3 months worth of work! The last time I talked to him, he told me that it would be January before he could get to my house if I paid him the deposit then. *SIGH* That was over a month ago.

Incidentally, I turned the 'Big 5-0' just 2 days ago. I don't feel any different... yet. Also, my 4-year cancer-free anniversary came & went on 4 June 05. In 3 days, it's the 4-year anniversary of losing my left breast.